I Will Never Forget You

Last week I heard a beautiful song about the love of God for Israel. Basically it’s verses from Isaiah so the words sounded pretty familiar to me. But then something deep happened when I heard the chorus and the second verse:

No I’ll never forget you.
I’ll never forsake you.
I will never forget my own.
Does a mother forget her baby.
Or a woman the child in her womb?
Yet even if she should forget.
I will never forget my own.

The video clip shows a woman wearing dark clothes holding a small child in her arms. It evoked this deep longing in me and the dark clothes added to that, as they reminded me of mourning.

But this song isn’t about me! It is about God longing for His people. I knew that very well. Still, I couldn’t stop crying when the chorus was repeated: No I’ll never forget you.I’ll never forsake you. I will never forget my own.

This is me. This is also me! The longing this chorus words, describes how I feel about my stillborn baby. Somehow at that moment I felt that this verse from the Bible was giving me permission to grieve, to feel this deep ache inside of me. Of course I know I don’t need permission for that, but sometimes people ask me ‘If I am not over it yet’ and it makes me wonder if I am too dramatic and should feel differently. But here the Bible clearly states that it is impossible for a mother to forget her baby. It gives a beautiful and accurate picture of what mother’s love is.

And God’s love is even deeper. God is longing more for His people then a mother longs for her child.

I think it is mind boggling and I have spend quite some hours figuring out what this means. Listening to this song, letting the words sink in, figuring out what these feelings that were evoked are about, brought me to this amazing realization: Knowing how it feels to lose a child I so deeply love, longing for a child I will never get to meet in this life, actually brought me to eventually understand more of the depths of God’s love.

Losing Amanda, longing for her, grieving over her, learning to live without her, trying to figure out what I believe and hope and live for, brought me to a deeper understanding of how desperately God longs for us to come closer to Him. And I am even more deeply convinced that He will never forget me, He will never forsake me. Just as I will never forget my dear baby girl.

First published in Dutch on January 12, 2018

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