I Rise

Lately I was reminded of the same song on different occasions. I didn’t know what to do with it at first. It is a song I wrote in the summer of 2018 and it’s called ‘I rise’. I started writing it when after prayer I received a picture of a bride standing behind a veil. In the middle of a room there was a spotlight and I had the feeling that the bride had to come out from behind that curtain to stand in that light.

I didn’t know what this picture meant and started searching in the Bible for the word ‘bride’. Psalm 45:11 then really touched me, translated out of my common Dutch Bible it said: “Listen, bride, listen carefully! Forget where you come from, forget your family.” It was as if God was saying to me, “Ineke, don’t be afraid to say what you think and show what you feel. Forget about what others might think of you and just share what I’m showing you and what you’re experiencing.” It was exactly what I needed to hear and when I made a song about it and sang it to the group of songwriters I was with at that moment, I found out I wasn’t the only one.

After that summer I preached for the first time in our church, I was asked to write a book and I became a writer for a Dutch platform for Christian book lovers. I needed that song to find the courage to actually rise and speak up. But later I forgot about it. Until now, and now that I am listening to it again, I discover I need to hear and sing it again.

I have finished writing my second book and after that translated it into English. The Dutch version is already available, the English version is presented to publishers in hope of one willing to publish it. In the weeks following I am preparing new songs to put on You Tube. I received a request to sing the song I wrote about Amanda at a meeting of parents of deceased children (this has been postponed due to Covid-19). Other websites published my song and interviews and reviews about my book are slowly appearing in magazines.

Today I discovered how exciting, actually scary, I find it all and that surprises me, because I like to be read and heard. Writing something without anyone reading it is certainly not what I want. It’s cool when someone lets me know that they play my melody on the piano or enjoy using my bible study book. But still, the fear of what people will think of me constantly comes over me and I don’t like being in the spotlight at all. I think my study room and the music area in our living room are the best places in the world.

Apparently I’m still afraid to be vulnerable, to show myself. While that is exactly what I chose to do and why I started blogging. Someone confirmed that this week when I received this WhatsApp message about the television broadcast: ‘it is beautiful to see how Amanda’s life still touches other people and what a gift your choice is Ineke to tell your story and share your vulnerability’

Then I remembered. I want to give people a glimpse into my thoughts, my feelings, my life, to encourage them and let them know that they are not alone in struggling with faith, grief, disappointment, being themselves, life, parenting, marriage, and so on. So maybe that’s why the call in my song sounds again and I think it is good that I also share it here because it does not only apply to me and it is certainly not only difficult for me:

Step out of the dark. Stand in the middle of the light. Be who you are. Stop protecting yourself and allow God to be your protector and the light that shines on you. I’m going to sing my song myself again.

You can listen to the song via this link. As it is in Dutch, below you find the translation of the lyrics.

I Rise
I step out of darkness, shake off all the dirt
Going to stand in the spotlight, for this is my day
I let go of all hindrance, the judgment, the pain
‘Cause I’m called to be a radiant bride

I rise up and shine
I show who I am
I leave everything behind
For You who knows me

I will write, I will sing
I will take care, I will be
Let Your truth in me always lead me

There He comes, my Jesus, He calls me His bride
He gave me His life, erased my past
I step out of the dark, I am holy and pure
And I focus on Jesus, to be a radiant bride.

I rise up and shine
I show who I am
I leave everything behind
For You who knows me

I will write, I will sing
I will take care, I will be
Let Your truth in me always lead me
I rise!

©2018 Lyrics: Ineke Marsman-Polhuijs,
Music: Ineke Marsman-Polhuijs and Peter van Essen

First published in Dutch on September 10, 2020