Baby loss awareness week

‘Are you paying extra attention to Amanda this week?’ The question took me by surprise. But when I thought about it, I think it is a very logical question. This week I had re-shared an article on Facebook. It was an interview about Amanda in the local newspaper, written because of Baby loss awareness week last year.

I had already seen some posts on Instagram and Facebook about it. And my publisher texted me if I was ging to pay attention to it. He made a nice post about my book. I didn’t have the space in my head to write anything new. But I did repost the article.

My answer to the question asked was: No. We’re not doing anything special around Amanda this week. We do join Worldwide Lighting Candle Day on the second Sunday of December and we celebrate Amanda’s birthday as a family. It is good to have some moments to reflect on her as together as a family. Grieving together has proved impossible, but we do seek connection in shared, but differently experienced grief. A special occasion helps.

In addition, everyone has his or her own memories and moments wherein loss is felt deeply. Sometimes they are linked to a day. For me, that’s the day I found out I was pregnant, the time we knew she wasn’t doing well, the day we found out she’d passed away, and the due date. But most of the time, we are randomly and without warning, thrown back to our love for her, the hospital, and other memories. A smell, a sound, something someone says, an image, a move can cause that very powerfully. At such a moment grief can be overwhelming. We now know that it is good to take space for it. By talking about it, taking a walk, crying a lot, kicking or hitting something or cleaning up fanatically.

Baby loss awareness week has nothing to do with that. For me, this week is more about making others aware of the impact that the loss of a baby has. It gives a reason to talk about stillbirth and deceased babies. To make it negotiable that for me as a parent loss is always present somewhere and is not linked to a week like this.

Still, it’s nice that this week is here. I am finally writing about it myself. A question like the one I got makes me think about what such a week actually means to me as the mother of a stillborn baby. It gives me space to explain something about the impact the loss of Amanda has on my life. I can invite you to read my book so that you understand more about grieving[1] and – in this case – what grieving does to your faith. That’s nice.

So at the last minute I also reflect on my grief again and I gain a little more insight into how that works for me. I can then pass that on to you.

Baby loss awareness week
does not make me aware
of what I lost
but does help
to take space
to be heard

Baby loss awareness week
is more for those who don’t know
your heart torn apart
when your baby died
listening and asking helps
because you never forget

Baby loss awareness week
if it can be there both
the joy and the loss
You can handle the pain
better than if
you pretend it’s not there

Blogs related to this:
Keeping Silent,
Twenty-four hours of Light

[1] My book ‘When Nothing Beats Anymore’ will soon be available in English!

One thought on “Baby loss awareness week

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